roundABOUT TO WEDding
Cover story
Odunayo Olashore starts,
I can’t imagine I entered the same street twice. It was my first time in Benin, an ancient city in Nigeria. While on the Ring road, an intersection in the middle of the city, in my opinion funnelled into many similar roads which confused me to enter the same road twice. Thank God I was walking, making my turnaround quite easy.
Many spinsters and bachelors find themselves at crossroads such as this with no faint idea where to turn, even for minimum bliss.
Many in search of life partners look out for textbook physical characteristics or mannerisms which are fraught with errors. For “there is no art for the minds construction on the face.”- William Shakespeare. He was only paraphrasing the Lord in ISam 16:7c, “for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” The foregoing clearly shows why marriage failures are often offshoots of wrong selection processes.
It is an understatement to say that the whom, the how and the when of the choice of a partner for the believer should be the eternal creator’s primary responsibility. After all, nothing is hidden from Him with whom we have to do, Heb 4:13. That brings me to those who believe God doesn’t have anything anymore to do with our choices, having being accused by Adam after the fall. Remember the man saying, “the woman whom ‘you gave’ to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate”? But I submit to you that that is a theory without any scriptural backing and a negation of the unchanging nature of God - Heb 13:8.
Anyone truly looking for the right model should look for ‘IN THE BEGINNING’.
We must search for the intention of the creator which over the centuries and in many nations have been either perverted or modified as deemed fit. For instance, years past in several countries of the world, the parents rigidly made choices for their wards. Abraham did - on an instruction not to marry from his own tribe, some still do but I’m talking of God our father here. It might surprise you to know that God expects us to submit such authority to Him WHILE WE ASSIST HIM AS JUNIOR PARTNERS as you will see later on.
Jesus pointed us to where to go for the right model in His answer to the Pharisees and Sadducees when they sought for His opinion on divorce, “….but from the beginning it was not so.” —Matt 19:8. These set of people could not perceive the law of the Spirit in the commandments of Moses. Yet this need considering critically of how God provided a woman for the first Adam and for the Last Adam.
In the latter, Jesus being the last Adam gets His bride, the church, by the Father’s foreknowledge and calling, Rom 8:29-30. He further asserts, “All that the Father giveth me shall come to me…”-John 6:37. In like manner, the first Adam was given his bride through the express will of the Father. Albeit, with his very little assistance of imagination. Or how else did he know to say, “…this is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman for she was taken out of Man,”-Gen 2:23. How on earth did he know she was taken out of him if he wasn't "somehow" conscious to what happened in the surgical operation! Was it by personal revelation of the Holy Spirit, reflective counting his ribs on waking up from the deep sleep or both?
It behoves on believers to therefore take a cue from the two Adams in making the selection of a spouse by submitting to God’s will. Yet contributing through prayers and or effective fellowship with the Holy Spirit, who in this dispensation shows us the ‘things freely given’ to us of GOD, ICor 2:12c.
Before eventually making the right turn at Ring road in Benin, I did trial by error, isn’t that what believers who should avail themselves with the gift and workings of the Holy Spirit do today?
Sure, there is offer and acceptance in relationships but these should be in the light of revelation which the Holy Spirit gives.
We have a choice of going round in circles and hoping serendipity will favour us or making use of our spiritual GPS.
Olusola takes over,
Thank you , Odunayo.
I can bet that smartphones and Artificial Intelligence were nowhere popular back in the days while making that round-trip. Now, imagine the clarity and precision that comes with making such a trip with AI. Or making the choice of a lifetime partner with the prompting of a Superior Intelligence!
Imagine how slick your experience at the roundabout to wedding would be if the turns were made with the gift of the Spirit of sound mind! That is the superior intelligence of the father who calls as many as He leads sons, irrespective of their gender. That is the father Odunayo was talking about. Which figuratively makes me see another reason it’s the father who often finally brings the bride on wedding days to the groom waiting on the altar.
Would you not rather be led by one who has mapped out the marital roundabout ahead of you! One who knows the twists and turns, nooks and crannies, even the deep things up to distance updates.
We are talking of being led by one who has the cloud atlas at hand and can network where you and your partner would next be.
In a world where you wished everyone wear their minds on the face, one can understand why meeting one meets appears not all that easy. Especially in life’s circle junction with so many exits eventually fanning out into different one-ways. But it doesn’t have to continue like Finding Nimo before that final exit leads you into a close with no further slip with your partner.
Yes, you can know exactly where practically to stand in this map-quest and will surely make a befitting choice in this maze.
You can get your Global Positioning System right. You can be rightly positioned to avoid marital tourism and wastage of resources in this choice-bound roundabout to wedding. Even if you have missed some tracks, the interesting part is that He doesn’t take you back in time and space. He can restore years lost to the locusts of unguided wandering. This Superior Intelligence reroutes you back to the choice destination. Which is why one of the first great choice you would ever make by reading this edition is to tune on your spiritual receiver and not quench the Holy Spirit or turn Him off.
I testify that a good wife is indeed a ‘good thing’ to find. Little wonder it's ‘not good’ for man to be alone. So then, how good and reassuring is it to know God hasn't left man in the jammed roundabout to find a wife!
Settling this quickly is one fast lane out in this growing gridlock just about the turns to wedlock. In fact, it's been logically held that because there was just one woman in the whole wide world, poor Adam, the god of tiny Eden did not have to search a bit or look any further. That he had to hop into the "one-chance" the unfair fate had brought his way. But let’s quickly bin such assumption by reminding ourselves that, even when there was no woman, the dude was searching. He just didn't find a suitor meet among the animals who were also 'good things' God made, until a woman with whom he couldn't be more content was brought!
First, a masculine look at Gen 2: 18-23.
ADAM KNEW HIMSELF
The man to whom God brings a woman is one who is wise to identify himself first. Sounds selfish? That not not glossing over basics before being able to identify what is not the flesh of his flesh and bone of his bone was the state of the godman in his purest form. He could identify his substance, the gem of his singlehood, failing which he would not know what is fit or meet or comparable to him. We are talking about a man who has met himself first.
He could identify with what he was created from and then what he was made from. He was wise enough to know that he was created in the image of God who is Spirit, and that he became a living soul by His direct breath. Anything unlike this wasn’t befitting. He knew it.
By extension, he was sufficiently humble to know that he was formed from the untilled but misted finest soil of the ground - called the dust. He knew his bones and his flesh, his legacy and presence respectively. It’s such a man that would not mistake an animal for his woman. Although animals were also made from the ground. That the ground is similar to dust or not isn’t the matter here but that he knew himself and what did not look like him in making. He knows just what to call them with all due respect from a shrew to an ape. Let’s be clear, it was the same God who would bring the woman afterwards that brought the circus of animals first, not the devil who wasn’t yet in the going. In fact, this was Eden in its holiest. God the bringer trusted that the judgement of the man created in His own image was wise. Therefore, Adam’s sound mind needed no prompting to know what is fit or meet. He has the very Spirit of God to discern himself and what was not. He knew himself before he knew his wife.
Therefore, the man to whom God brings a woman should be able to name things accordingly, including naming the serpent. He’s seen to be rightly dividing the word God spoke to him, and putting each animals in their places. For in the end, it is whatsoever he calls them they will be to him.
ADAM WAITED FOR HIS LIKE TO BE FORMED
Great, if one finds his wife at the first thought but we see that’s not usually the case, evening from the beginning. Pardon me if figuratively here men appears to be drivers and women cars. While many a man have been so restless: trekking, hiking down dream cars, and towing along from freeways to holdups as single and seriously searching suitors, it's actually finding a wife by seeking God in the field He has put you, at the lay-by that brings a safe marital journey.
Adam was still. Still in God while He brought all that could be helpers to him but he didn’t fall victim of the rush hour. He waited on God at the "Yield sign" and let the traffic of animals flow by. He was patient enough not to misname any animal for a wife - which is what happens every so often. Even in the face of none, he appeared not to be a grumpy commuter. That the search result for him in the interim came back as ‘None was Fit’, didn’t make him hunt for a partner outside his Eden either. He stayed in his field. So will a man to whom God will bring a woman, there’s no gainsaying that he must have found himself in his field first before finding a wife. I thought the wait must have been harder for Adam who would never have never seen what a woman looked like before than it is for us. I thought so, that everything must have looked like he was the last creation formed. Oh Adam! Was he ready to remain single, we wouldn’t know just yet. But we are sure he was ready to wait on God still whether or not God will form another creature.
It didn’t end in waiting, there’s more…
THE MAN TO WHO GOD BROUGHT THE WOMAN WAS READY TO DIE FOR HER EVEN BEFORE MEETING HER
Adam again, after similar futile effort of staying awake for a mate hunt bided his struggles to sunset. He agreed to seek God by a deep sleep that led to the forming and finding the woman. Or do you think he was drugged to the flesh-ripping rib-breaking operation?
Let’s probe this seeker a bit more. The man to whom God brought the woman was a lover even before seeing her. You see why God didn't have to command him before the fall as to say, 'husband love your wife,' until after the first accident! He was ready to die in the surgical hand of God by uncovering his heart to donate a rib for a woman he didn't even know. Can you risk death for the woman you haven’t met just yet? The first Adam was. As was the last Adam slain from the foundation of the earth. For while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
For the first Adam, to whom God brought the woman, he was dead to all senses at this seemingly confusing roundabout. God had to break his flesh -yes his flesh, like the second Adam who said this is my body shed for you, his flesh was pierced. While one of the bone protecting Adams heart was removed to form the woman, the bone of Christ was not broken even in the place of the skull where all bones were broken to fulfil the legacy of continuity and unity of the body of Christ. And we know after three days, it ended in resurrection with the flesh and bone and spirit. For the first Adam, we don't know how long it took him to sleep at the lay-by, but we know how deep. And when he woke up, he woke up real clear!
ADAM FOUND EVE WHILE SEEKING GOD ON A SPOT
Not that he hadn’t found help with animals, but if he hadn’t found the help comparable to him, the man to whom God brings a woman must be patient enough to wait again on the Lord. Ruggedly rooted in the place of seeking God and not the helpmeet. For it’s in seeking God that he would find the help that meets, or fits or comparable as you may. Even if such help was not among the living things God The Bringer brought in his way. He would need this patience both as a single man before the woman comes and even after marriage especially when she is temporarily absent.
You know why? The parade of the bringer will not stop. Especially now that we are outside Eden although the Kingdom of God is in us. God The Bringer is always going to see what the man will call them. The parade of potential helpmeets or fitting helpers will remain the same before wedding and in marriage. Animals and other ladies will be brought the man’s way, both in reality and virtually, either by God The Bringer, Devil the tempter or the man’s own lust. But it is the man that will determine what he will call them to himself to decide if this is fit for him or not. It will be up to his soul to call such as the bone of his bone and the flesh of his flesh and be one flesh with such.
Therefore, it’s key we emphasise the position of similar other finders too. In the case of Isaac, he was a stooping seeker just as Boaz, who in fact was on a spot in his field. So was the case with King Xerxes. To cap it all, Christ had to yield for the traffic. He died on a spot at Golgotha, motionless at the highest speed of seeking the will of God for His bride the church. No, It doesn’t betray confusion when you assume the parking lane just near the hectic roundabout as it was from the first Adam to the last. Not much as one who kept merry-go-rounding, causing traffic jams. A man to who God brings a car would not mind the queue tailback of singles either. That you haven’t been joined to chariot just yet doesn’t belittle your driving potentials! Wait on the Lord until you can name a helper who is fit or meet. From the first Adam to the last, it seems to me that all these legends of the seekers were still in their search at the roundabout. They were still in the hand of God in their fields. And at yellow blink when they found their wives!
THE MAN TO WHO GOD BROUGHT THE WOMAN KNOWS JUST WHEN TO ASK HER OUT
Because he knew how to wait, hush, this man knew just when to speak! That is the amber! It doesn’t to be green when you wake up really clear! If there was a time to keep quiet, there was certainly another to speak up. For those that wait on the Lord also know when to mount up like eagle. They don’t stay waiting forever, they know just when to run and not faint and when to walk without wearying. These are the sons of Issachar who have the understanding of the times. That’s the amber blink, where God was taking him. So, all the while he was seeking God to find her, she was in him! No moseying along, He knew just when to join the chariot! This is NOW, the flesh of my flesh and the bone of my bone, she shall be called a woman, for she was taken out of a man.” He knew!
THE WOMAN GOD BROUGHT WAS NOT SELF MADE
Yes, she was created in the same image of God which is Spirit. Little wonder Adam could call like the deep into the deep. Yet she was formed from the man, she wasn’t a ghost. There was just something in her that Adam could identify with that was not just the spirit but in flesh and bone too.
Unlike the dust of the ground, the woman God brought was as hardened as a rib. But wasn’t the strongest bone in his body either, she was bendable. However, in hiding in the journey with God, the mobile potter had to break her into wife material. Imagine making fleshy bends out of bones! That was what it took to form a woman. She would have been melted, remolded before being filled into beautiful curves.
If this was a hide and seek game at all, where is the place of the woman to be found in this GPS?
THE WOMAN GOD BROUGHT WAS HIDING IN THE OPEN
The woman God brought didn't have a field of hers or a parking lot where she's settled. Not like the model car perched on the loft or the test car for all suitors to keep test driving. She may not know where next God The Leader was driving her but was always rolling in step with God her maker. Her hiding place to be found is paradoxically moving with God all the way and not staying in the dark sanctimoniously for one Mr Right with hunter's headlamp to come by. She was hidden in the moving shadow of the almighty.
Therefore, we can say that before she submits to her own husband, she had submitted herself to her first leader – God. It’s no wonder God didn't have to command Eve to submit to her husband because that was her making from the beginning! Although, she had to be commanded to do so after the sin of wrong submission. Since sin, submitting to her own husband has been the issue. But by the help of the Leading Helper, these helpmeets lives out the power of submission. Just like the church, knowing now that this is her greatest strength like the body of Christ, that power of follower-ship is the might of fellowship.
THE WOMAN GOD BROUGHT DID NOT BRING HERSELF
We have said the woman God brought didn't stay in the hideouts but again, she didn’t bring herself to the altar, neither did she gatecrash. That exactly is why she had to be the woman God brought. The woman God brought was fashioned ready to parade with God. Like AI drives a car, this is superior intelligence bringing her about. Check if there's any departure from this simple principle in the case of Eve, Rebecca, Ruth, Esther and the Church.
THE WOMAN GOD BROUGHT KNEW WHEN TO SAY YES
And in her walk with God, it takes the same submission to slow down at the Yellow blink, and then a halt at the Redlights. Yes our ladies know red flags by the leading of the Spirit. For this grace teaches them when to say No to ungodliness and halting, and braking hard at the red lights in the martial traffics.
No, she wouldn’t race up at these marital red lights at all because she knew she could crush him the pedestrians down and needing bodyworks for herself thereafter. Even if she wasn’t giving him a lift, the woman God brings knew just when to slow down and save herself from dents of hit-and-runs.
You see how that the woman God brought doesn’t have to be fast and furious all the time. Regrettably so, ladies who peeled off the lane of being led by Spirit of God have mistakenly picked hikers NOT FIT for them. Yet a walk with God like Eve helped her not to mistake the Zebra crossing for picking up animals too. Eve didn’t say No to Adam all to say Yes to Chimps. God the bringer would coast her down towards his intersection, his field.
In the next edition, we would touch of those who have had to find grace in Sologamy with men with fleet of cars. But the woman God brought is a good thing, can not be bought for her price is far more than rubies. She is the crown of creation and a crown to him.
The woman God brought is all about wading off red lights but also wise to know the green light at the amber blinks. Remember crosswalks are actually traffic calming. God The Bringer wasn’t rushing Eve across the just awaken Adam. She had learnt to walk with God and like the church knew the day of salvation. She knew that meeting her Adam on the altar is not about the speed, but of pace and positioning in a ride with the father.
MAXIMIZE THIS YELLOW BLINK!
So, all the legends of the seekers knew themselves first in their fields on the one hand of God when they found their wives who were submissive in the other leading hand of God. There was no way they would miss. In fact, it was harder not to have met or become misfits.
For the man at the Yellow blinks and for the lady saying Yes at Green, time and chance happens to them all. Little wonder both were naked and not ashamed, an unmanned car mets a learner. They exit the busy circle junction and maiden adventure begins on godspeed. So likewise, is the coming of Christ, the bridegroom of the church in this jammed roundabouts of eternal decisions. Don’t wait forever or keep going in circles in your decisions. A submitting Green to Christ today and final Red to the Serpent at this amber blinks is what it takes. Decision! It is owned. God didn’t woo Eve for Adam or put say the Yes for Eve.
For His everlasting love, Christ was made sin while we were yet sinners. He died seeking us, and you are that good thing He finds, made righteousness of God in its purest form by his blood. You are made a virgin in Christ. And you have an enduring submission to His Spirit, to remain wise in Him and will never stray in the marital traffic like those five foolish virgins did.
Dear, there is not a single shadow of doubt that we are living in the yellow blinks. All the traffic lights that Christ will come are flickering. And ever so more. At the second coming of Christ. It is the Groom for His bride the church, I would you rather be a wise Rahab than a foolish Virgin, but why not a wise virgin!
— Concluded by Olusanya Olusola.
BICQMag TEAM
Salem Otto - Ghana
Jeremiah Ishaya - Northern Nigeria Oluwatobi Shoyoye - Southern Nigeria
Olusanya Racheal - England
Odunayo Olashore - Canada
Olusanya Olusola - England
Bohbup Ltd
3rd Floor
86-90 Paul Street
London EC2A 4NE